You’ve probably heard this a thousand times, but here it is again: Relationships are tough and they require constant work. You and your partner have to be ready to put in the work every single day, and one way to do this is through constant evaluation of your relationship.
Here is a list of some important questions to answer both individually and as a couple. These questions will give you a clearer picture of your relationship.
1. Do you feel safe in the relationship? – In your relationship, you should be able to really be yourself without fear of being judged. Do you feel like your partner has the capability to stick with you through tough times? Will they be there if you had cancer or depression? If it is difficult for you to answer this question, seeking professional help can provide a safe place to talk about this.
2. Are you both happy? – As humans, we rely on our romantic relationships to provide us with some level of happiness. Having bad days is normal, but if your relationship is fraught with anxiety and tension then there might be a problem. If you find yourself feeling sad or angry more than you feel happy, then you need to do some evaluation. Relationships require work but they shouldn’t drain you emotionally or affect your mental health.
3. Do your plans and visions for the future align? – To strengthen your commitment, you need to agree on your vision and goals for the future. Is your partner ready to show up, do the work every day and accept you fully without harsh criticism? You need to be sure they are in it for the long haul and you’re on the same page about what’s important to you in life.
4. Are your arguments healthy? – Arguments are normal, but how you argue matters. Are you able to keep your arguments from getting out of hand, find a way to calmly discuss and reach a solution? You need to argue in a way that makes both parties feel heard. If things get violent often, then you need to rethink things.
5. Are you sexually compatible? – Sex is important in any romantic relationship. Are you physically attracted to each other? Do you agree on issues relating to sex such as when and how it occurs? If one person feels sexually deprived or pressured to do things they aren’t comfortable with, it could lead to conflict. It’s a great idea to create a safe space in your relationship where you can openly talk about your sex life.
If you answered yes to most/all of the questions above, then you and your partner are probably in a great place. If not, carefully reflect on the questions and revisit them when you’ve had time to think about them properly.
It’s also a great idea to have a third party ask questions that are too tough to ask yourselves. If you’re struggling with these questions, and need a therapist to talk to, please give us a call. We would be happy to discuss how we may be able to help.
Priscilla Hurd, LPC, M.Ed.
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