Discovering that your partner has been unfaithful can feel devastating. On top of the unspeakable pain from the sexual betrayal are the lies they have told – either through words or by their silence. It is common for people to feel completely lost once they discover the infidelity and not know how to feel or react to the situation.
In order to understand what is best for you and how to proceed, here are 3 questions to ask yourself after an affair:
1. How Should I Respond?
Once the affair has been discovered, it’s normal to feel completely out of control both mentally and emotionally. You may find that it is hard for you to think clearly and focus on daily tasks. For this reason, it is important that you avoid making any rash decisions that you might later regret. Rash judgments can hinder the healing process.
Your best response is to take your time to think about what has happened and take note of your feelings before making any decisions. As you gather more information, you will be able to make an informed decision rather than a rash decision in the height of emotion and stress.
2. Is This PTSD?
After discovering your partner’s affair, it is very common to experience symptoms associated with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Sadly, most people believe PTSD is only manifested in individuals returning from combat. The reality is, PTSD can be experienced by individuals who are surviving an affair.
PTSD symptoms include:
- Reliving the event
- Avoidance of people, places and activities previously enjoyed
- Negative mood and cognitions (e.g. I’m not good enough)
- Heightened emotions and reactivity (e.g. Anxiety, hypervigilance)
If you are experiencing any of these symptoms, consider speaking with a therapist who can help you navigate your emotions and decide what’s most needed to help you heal.
3. Do I Feel Differently About Myself?
After discovering your partner’s betrayal, you may begin to question yourself. You may find yourself saying things like, “What did I do to push them away?” Or “What is wrong with me?”
Even the most self-confident people on the planet can be reduced to self-doubters after infidelity. In an instant, you may shift from feeling safe and secure to anxious and fearful. Internalizing the situation or blaming yourself is common, though not very helpful to your overall well-being and can even further traumatization.
If you are dealing with a betrayal, asking yourself these three questions will begin the healing process.
Are you or a loved one dealing with the aftermath of an affair? Do you need help sorting through your emotions and making decisions that are right for you? If you are interested in exploring treatment, please contact us today. We would be happy to speak with you about how we may be able to help.
Couples: How to Regulate Yourself During Difficult Conversations
Sharing your life with someone means having open and honest conversations, even when those conversations are a bit difficult. But that’s easier said than done. During hard conversations, it’s common for many people to become triggered by something their partner...
Should You Date If You Have Depression?
Dating is challenging for everyone. But when you suffer with depression, dating can feel scary and overwhelming. Not only do you feel particularly raw and vulnerable to possible rejection, but should a connection be made, you have the added burden of figuring out how...
Can Marriage Counseling Really Help Your Relationship?
You may have heard the statistic before that 40-50% of all marriages in the United States end in divorce, and hearing that can leave a person in quite a shock. According to recent surveys, however, the divorce rate in the U.S. fell by 18% between 2008 and 2016. While...
Quick! Get Your "Top Tips For Getting the Most Out of Counseling" Cheatsheet!
Like some of what you've seen and want to see more? Sign up for our Mailing List for a free cheat sheet on making the most out of counseling. Our list members also gain access to exclusive specials and announcements, as well as the latest from our Counseling Blog!